Jeanette Lee - Part 2 (Rebellion, Reinvention, and a Mind That Never Quit)

Jeanette Lee 0:04

So running away a lot. And I one of the teachers said Ernie had a wife named Zola. And they lived alone with 12 birds. And he kind of heard and saw I was wearing my own clothes multiple days and you know seeing friends. He's like, What are you doing? I was like, oh. And he said, tell you what, it looks like you need like a regular place to stay. You can't just keep sleeping on people's couches and stuff like that. Why don't you come stay with us and see how it goes? And I'm like, really? And his wife was super nice. He was white. She was black. I thought that was so cool. You know, she was beautiful. And they let me sleep on the couch because it's Manhattan. So it was just like a little kind of one bedroom/slash studio apartment kind of thing. And I was allowed to sleep on the couch. And my rent would be caring for the birds. So he taught me how to, I was 12 or 13. I taught me how to feed and clean and, you know, do things like that. And I remember laying there when, so the rule was for rent, I had to take care of the birds, but all of it also only happened on one condition. You had to call your mom and tell her where you were. That you're staying with us. Give her his phone number and the whatever. He's like, it's not because I'm trying to reach out or whatever. I respect your privacy, but I'm telling your mom has a right to know that you're safe, you know, where you're sleeping or whatever. And I was like, okay, because I was kind of tired going from house to house. And then I'd go home and then I'd run away again, go home, run away again. Again, still quite young. So I remember distinctly laying on the couch and me getting a phone call. And I wasn't taking any calls from my mom, but my sister called me. This is what I remember that I learned never happened. But I remember every detail of it. I remember when I was laying there, I remember getting the phone call. And she's like, Jeanette, and she's teary, you know, crying. I was just numb and in shock. And he said, How did you die? So generally, like the your elders are very respected and whatever, and you're quiet. Like when they're in, you have to be very quiet. You can't be making noise and disturbing people. You have to call, you know, talk to them when you're called to them. And you know, otherwise you pretty much leave them alone and stay out of sight, I don't mind, be quiet. But he was so cool as far as I was concerned. And all of our family generations are all pastors, you know, very Christian family. But my grandfather ended up being one of the best soccer players in Korea. And actually, even when he served in the military, he served by playing soccer, you know, and doing that kind of thing. And he actually eventually wrote his own book, stuff like that. And he was the only person before me, of course, the only person to this day other than me that smoked cigarettes. And because all these past, nobody's smoking cigarettes. I mean, like, what a horrible, horrible thing. And but at that age, when I was like five or six, as young as I can remember, he's the grandfather. No one's gonna question. He can smoke wherever he could smoke on, you know, on my forehead if he wanted to. He could do whatever he wanted. He's the grandfather, hotabuchi. And so he would often come to the house and smoke, and it would stink. And we weren't allowed to directly talk to him. So I would draw, I loved drawing, and I would draw this huge cartoon smurfs. I was like so loved the smurfs, and you know, the girl smurf and the papa smurf and all this other stuff. And I would make all these smurf posters and cards that said, with Grumpy saying, I hate smoking, or what is this dirty mess over here? Oh no, it's cigarettes and make all these like posters and things and put it on my door, which was right next to the bathroom. So when Hanabuji had to go to the bathroom, he would see it on my door. Like I would like get killed if I was to actually give him a, you know, anything that said anything like that. But I have a right to put something on my door, you know?

Mike Gonzalez 4:29

Sure, yeah.

Jeanette Lee 4:30

And my mom just rolled her eyes and shook her head. My grandfather thought it was funny, but I spent a lot of time alone at the house because my mom was always working two, three jobs. And so my mom, where the big apartment building is, you would go two blocks from my house to the end of that block and one more block to get to Kings County Hospital where she was at RN and worked for a zillion years. So when she was getting off her shift, I if I knew she was coming, I could actually, I was on the 12th floor in a 16-floor building. I would actually crawl outside the window with my feet sticking in the house, but my butt and my entire torso outside of the apartment building on the 12th floor. Because I didn't want, and I would close the window all the way to my thigh. And I just started, he would leave his cigarettes there. So I would light it in the in the because we'd have lighters. So I we'd have the stove, the flame stove, and I'd quick light it and go all the way and climb one-handed, because I got this burning cigarette. I'm climbing my whole body sitting out on this windowsill of the 12th floor of this apartment building and shutting, go all the way, then blowing all the smoke away so that it didn't get into it. And eventually I got quite comfortable. I'd open it, I'd have my leg kicked back, I'd be leaning back, going like this. I was cool, you know. And I think I was seven or something like that. Seven or eight when when this was when I started smoking myself. Before then, I was like four if I was drawing all those things. Yeah, I think I was seven or eight when I started smoking. And I could see her coming from the so that would give me enough time to like, you know, pour some vinegar soy sauce on the table and then wash it. So the smell, you know, I'd be like, you know, try to smell like soy sauce. Try to, I didn't have perfume, you know, what's she gonna do? You know? And uh like I just any strong smelling stuff, I'd open them all up and just try to do whatever to change the smell. So it didn't. She never, as far as I knew, I didn't think she knew. I still don't know to this day if she knew. But I mean, for my 13th birthday, I got a black ashtray. That was really cool. I mean, it was that was our relationship was very rebellious.

Mike Gonzalez 6:58

It was all your grandfather's fault, and you get the call from Doris that he had passed.

Jeanette Lee 7:04

Right. Well, it turns out, so I'm I'm devastated, and that call was what actually the importance of family got relit. I can't think of the right words to say what I'm trying to say, but it got and got I was reminded of how important family was, and I ended up moving back home from there. Like the whole running around, doing all that stuff, I came home and I tried to get along with my mom, and I went to the funeral, and I was like, I kind of felt like his favorite because like normally he'd be quiet and watching Korean news or Korean dramas or whatever, and the women would be in the kitchen cooking, and then us kids would always be off playing. But a lot of times I would be alone, and so I could go to my grandma and grandpa's and she'd cook for me, but he would actually play these Korean games like called paduk or omok or something like that. Anyway, it was cool that he played actual game with me because no one played games with me. Like my mom didn't play with me or take me anywhere or ride a bike or do any like we didn't do she worked and served the food and told me and told me to clean and had me study and you know, stuff like that, but she didn't like play. Nobody played. My grandpa was cool, so I had that like thing about him. And so when I started going through all that and the surge or whatever, I wasn't really thinking about my grandpa or family or anything. It was just I was miserable, the word sucks, everything sucks, everyone's stupid, you know, everything that I was just wrapped up in just I don't know, lashing out, not really lashing out, because I would never like hurt somebody else, but I was just, you know. But I remember that distinctly, and I remember going to the funeral and being so choked up, but trying to like be very like everyone else. It's very quiet, serene, and very a lot about honoring their life and praying to God and respect and whatever. And then I just broke down and just like threw myself on top of the casket. Just kind of melt down. I couldn't contain it anymore. So I was just this little kid that was just like, bury me with him. This isn't right. Don't take him or take me with, you know, like it was just bad. Anyway, what's strange is I I remember it. I remember exactly when and why, and what happened, how things changed. I'm writing about in my book, and my mom, my mom and my sister, there were some parts I wanted them to read because while I wanted to be honest and vulnerable and truthful, I never want to offend or hurt my family. And I know that my viewpoint doesn't make it the truth. It's just my experience. They have their experiences, and I wanted to make sure that I still honored them. So I had them show up. But while they're reading it, she goes, Why are you doing this? I'm like, Doing what? She's like, What is your point? Why are you telling these stories? Like, what are you gaining from it? Why would you make up that story about Hadabiji? And I'm like, What are you talking about? I didn't make anything up. This is the way I remember it. She's like, Harabiji didn't die when you were, you know, in seventh grade, when you were in middle school. I was like, Yes, he did. I was there. You were out of the country. Like, I was there. I know he did, whatever. But my mom agreed, and they said they could show me the death certificate, whatever. He died when I was 21.

Mike Gonzalez 10:40

Interesting.

Jeanette Lee 10:42

Whoa.

Mike Gonzalez 10:43

Interesting.

Jeanette Lee 10:46

I mean, I guess interesting, but horrifying and confusing and concerning. And how do you get it that wrong? Wow. Like if I say, oh, he actually died when I was ninth grade or tenth grade, or this other teacher's house. But he's the only teacher I ever lived with. You know what I mean? He was just a really, really nice guy, whatever.

Mike Gonzalez 11:09

But Ernie and Zola.

Jeanette Lee 11:11

Ernie and Zola. Ernie Gonzalez. But anyway, super, super nice people. They had set boundaries and go, but all that was good for me, but so bizarre. However, I think I told you a little bit about my my first actual crime. Well, I don't know if it was my first actual crime, but first real big crime that I could have gone to jail for.

Mike Gonzalez 11:33

Was it a misdemeanor or a felony?

Jeanette Lee 11:36

Well, I'm sure it was a felony. But anyway, I think I told you about it with the whole Macy's and electronics and stealing from the whole.

Mike Gonzalez 11:45

Huh? Margaret.

Jeanette Lee 11:46

Oh, did I tell you? Because I I think I could I knew I just did it recently. It was to Mark. We were driving in the car and I shared the story. Well, in the story that I was telling you, he was having I was trying to decide, do I do it again? Because it's such good money. But it's not even just a matter of what if I get caught. It was like, it's wrong. It's I know it's wrong. It wasn't my plan to do it, but I got caught up in it, and then I just let it happen. I did it. I didn't like stop and say no. It was just kind of happened quickly and whatever. So I'll get to that whenever you're ready for that part. Because that I was probably the statute of limitations are up anyway. So yeah, I was gonna say, we see it Kartedolf. I think I was 19, 18 or 19 when this happened. But anyway, in this story, just real quickly about my grandpa, in this story that I'll share later, he said, Well, you know, close your eyes, because I told him it was my friend. My friend's in trouble and they need advice for my friend. Now, looking back, him being an adult, me being a kid, he probably knew that I was talking about me. I know he knows it was talking about me, but I thought I was being slicked by saying it was my friend. So my friend has this problem and she has these choices and she got caught up with this. She doesn't actually want to do it again, but she's scared for her life because she knows all this stuff. And if she just tells him she quits, you know, that might be her aunt, my aunt, you know. There were a lot of, I was in with some bad people. And what actually got me to make the decision is he had me close my eyes and imagine myself in this wall, and there's a water drip. It's cold and damp. And then, like, he kind of starts explaining to where you realize you're in a cold jail cell. Like the walls are made of soil, it's cold, it's dark, and then you realize that your hands are holding these metal bars and it's cold and you're whatever. And then he said, Now you're behind the bars in this jail cell. And I'm like, okay, and I'm closing my eyes and whatever. And he said, Now, look who's come to get you out. He said, You look up, and it's your mom and your grandpa, because he had known, he had asked me who were the two most important people or influences in your life. And I said, My mom and my grandpa. He didn't know anything about them, but only their importance to me. In this story, I remember like being, and I'm like, okay, and I'm going through all this. And then when he had me visualize my mom and my grandpa and the look on their faces when they had to be on the other side of the jail cell to come and get me out, and the look and the disappointment and the sunkenness of my grandfather, his posture. This is my imagination, but for me it was very real. And I mean, at the time, he was alive. I wouldn't have imagined somebody that had already passed. So when this happened when I was 18 or 19, I knew he was alive. When I tell the story, I know he's alive. But then when why have I carried for 30, 40, 50 years this story of him passing when I was 13? Because then why would I have this story and imagine my alive grandfather here if I thought he had already passed? So I must have known that he hadn't passed. But then why do I have this story in such detail? It's very strange.

Mike Gonzalez 15:27

I know you've had plenty of opportunity to psychoanalyze yourself during these years.

Allison Fisher 15:33

I try not to, but it's such a bullet. Some things give you no answers, though. Some things you can't really find the answer for.

Mike Gonzalez 15:40

Yeah, yeah. Well, I'm hopeful that your high school years were gonna get a little better for you. Were they? Maybe not.

Jeanette Lee 15:50

So I get I I get to Bronx Science High School, and it's a prestigious school, no doubt. There were 3,000 kids in our graduating class. And so big school, a lot of a lot of kids. And I'm taking Latin, you know, home, we're building a house, we're breaking it down, we're doing things that were not offered at any of the kind of schools I was going to.

Mike Gonzalez 16:16

What am I gonna do with Latin?

Jeanette Lee 16:18

This is Brooklyn. Yeah, but it was so interesting. For some reason, I found Latin very interesting. And it really helped me to SATs and all that because you learn the root of the word, and as you learn those things, you can pretty much take me in any almost any country, at least any of the romance languages, and I can wiggle my way around because you know, I can look at the root of the word and you know, things like that. I learned a lot, but I very much valued, yeah, my my time with Latin. But I met my first love. I would say my first boyfriend where I was in love. I guess he would have been my first in love, love, whatever. Yeah, Giorgio Di Marzio. He was it. He was Italian, and fine. He was a beautiful specimen of a boy. And very kind and low-key, whatever, but I was really, really crushing, and then we started seeing each other. You know, he kissed me, and it was really like cool and sweet. And I met a sister who was beautiful, Alexandria, and she had this perfume called beautiful that smelled so good. I thought it was like gotta be the best perfume in the world, kind of thing. And I guess that her him being her sister was the first time I had like a female like friendship that was actually normal and healthy. But I didn't see her that much. It was his little sister. But I sucked myself out and I ended up breaking up with him, and then he ended up like not trying to get me back. Like he accepted it, I accepted it, and that's it. And eventually, like, or you leave or he got another girlfriend or whatever, but it was odd. I wrote him this long letter, and I was I was just questioning down. I don't know. Sometimes I just imagine horrible things that aren't even really there. And I was just reading into things, our relationship with drama at the school. And so anyway, that comes in what, but it was a great and beautiful experience to like have a crush on someone, to have them like me back, friendship, have normal, healthy parents and healthy friendships, and it to be like a calm, normal relationship, which I'd never had. And then I meet Greg, who ends up being my high school sweetheart. Actually, when I got cancer, we reconnected. His wife found me on Facebook and somehow reached out to APA because I didn't answer it and said, you know, if you can reach her, I really, really think she'd want to know. This was somebody that she was very close with in high school, and they were very close friends or whatever. But it was his wife that reached out. But apparently he had been trying to reach me and had no luck. So then she tried to help, and so we reconnected a few years ago. But anyway, he was my first love and and truly like wanted to be together every minute, could talk or not talk, or or just be, and just be happy to just be, you know, it was like that kind of thing that I had not experienced. To this day, I would say that was the most in love or crazy about someone that I had ever been. I wouldn't say even with my husband or anyone before or after that was I that like just absolutely in that both ways. We're both, and we got into all kinds of trouble together, and he was a pothead, so I learned to smoke pot together, and I didn't like it. I didn't like pot. I didn't I don't like how sleepy it makes me and paranoid because I swear the parents are staring at me and they know and you know, like it was uh but he was so good to me, you know, he was so caring to me, and I really enjoyed him and I was good to him, but like we were just really good to each other. It was it was a beautiful run. But towards end we ended up freaking out.

Mike Gonzalez 20:25

So why didn't you finish high school? What happened?

Jeanette Lee 20:29

So, you know, I have these in-love kind of infatuated, whatever you want to call these little relationships, but outside of that I would become f friends or friendly with different cliques in high school, but I wouldn't ever feel that I was actually part of any of them. It was like a social butterfly. I basically was friendly or knew all the different groups, and I could go and have lunch with any of the different groups, but I wasn't part of the gang, and they weren't inviting me to hang out outside of school. We'd just see each other at school, maybe hang out a little bit in the cafeteria. But I started seeing one guy who was really into heavy metal, cute long hair. First time I dated a guy with like long hair, he was like rocker, Led Zeppelin, Metallica, you know, whatever, ACDC and different things, and we hung out. But there were a couple of girls, a few girls in his clicker group that were really nice to me. But then one of them felt like I was flirting with her boyfriend, which I didn't do and I wouldn't do, and I wasn't doing, but next thing you know, she's calling me out to the whole school to have a fight because across the street from Brock Science was Carrie's Field, Carper's Field. Can't remember the name, but it was across the street from the high school, there was a big park and there was a field, and people would go up there to play Ultimate, like Frisbee or Hacky Zack, or parties or barbecue, you know, whatever, not barbecues, but I don't know, just it was a big park across the street from the high school. And when people would fight, they would be there after school and battle it out, and everybody would watch. And that's what happened to me. Anyway, I got it. I I got in some fights. I ended up not being liked by some groups. I but at the end of it, you know, I I had one failed relationship. I actually threw it all was with on and off again with my boyfriend, my high school sweetheart, Greg. But really just the way kids were, and they were so unpredictable, and no matter how I tried, I couldn't fit in. But to be honest, I might have fit in, but I was so thinking about it that I would end up withdrawing, I think. You know what I mean? But it felt like I just couldn't fit in, and I just hated the drama and high school in general, and school in general, and I was like, I don't need this, I'm I'm ready to move on with my life. And so I made a plan and I executed that plan, which was skip high school. You know, I'm certainly bright enough to take some GD. I mean, who knows what's on it, but I'm not worried about it. And I don't even remember what my score is, but I didn't study for took the GED past. I was fifteen. Just turned 15 when I took the test.

Mike Gonzalez 23:35

Okay, okay.

Jeanette Lee 23:36

But I was bright. I was a bright kid. And yeah, so I I end up dropping out sophomore year of Bronx Science High School. Yeah, I don't think my parents were too happy. And you know, in their family, she's the oldest of the eight brothers and sisters. And by this point, when I'm in high school, by this point, they've all moved to America. And all of them, her younger siblings, have had children. So I have all these younger cousins. So Doris is the oldest, my older sister, and then me. But I've been the primary for I guess matriarch or leader or whatever you want to call it, of our generation of the kids and the cousins, because Doris moved to Hong Kong and has been living there for the last 20 years, 20 plus years. So I was really the oldest in America. So whenever there was an event or anything, I would call it Cousins Day and I'd call them all out. And when they were younger, the the parents, all my uncles and aunts would bring them and I'd buy them all pizza and play these different games and stuff. And we do it to this day. We meet every July and we all come together, get a house. My cousin my my cousin Joe, who's the son of the third eldest, or maybe the fourth eldest, but he lives in Greenville, Greenville, North Carolina. So we go there every uh July and all the cousins come, but now we also bring all our kids, and all we do for four or five days is cook Korean food together and play games and eat and take pictures and be silly and we have a blast. We don't have to spend anything except on food, but we have so much fun together.

Mike Gonzalez 25:18

Yeah. That's great. So when did you go off to college then? I mean, if you're if you're dropping out at 15.

Jeanette Lee 25:23

So I dropped out, but I didn't drop out like most people dropped out, dropped out because they just didn't want to go to school. I dropped out and immediately took the G D D test and enrolled for for college. So that was like I think I was in college at 16. You know, I applied before I even turned 16.

Mike Gonzalez 25:41

Yeah, so you study early childhood development and and elementary education.

Jeanette Lee 25:46

My passion has always been with children.

Mike Gonzalez 25:48

Yeah, yeah. We certainly want to hear about how you came to the game of the criminal.

Jeanette Lee 25:53

Okay. So, real quick, you know, high school, I went to college. First, I went to University of Buffalo because my high school sweetheart boyfriend was going to UB and I followed him up there. I wanted to go to college because I was gonna do I was gonna work with children one way or another. That was my main goal. But then yeah, at this point, I think when I was 15 or 16, I wasn't yeah, I guess I didn't immediately enroll because I wasn't exactly sure where I was gonna go to col I knew I was going to college, but where or when. But I remember I was working, I had a studio in the city at 15 by myself on 23rd Street in Lexington Avenue. It's like a five-story little apartment. Studio apartment. I mean, there's like basically this little studio room, a mini fridge, and a bathroom with a toilet and a sink and a and a shower. And it was barely enough room for like a my mom gifted me a bunk bed where it's a bed at the top, but the bottom had like a little bit of a desk and drawers.

Mike Gonzalez 27:05

Yeah. Yeah. It's like a dorm setup almost, really.

Jeanette Lee 27:09

Yes, it was very similar, kind of like that. It was just it cost me $500 a month, and that's about all I could afford.

Mike Gonzalez 27:16

And you were you were 15 or 19, depending on which ID you were using at the time.

Jeanette Lee 27:21

Well, yeah, okay. To be fair, I actually did need to have my mom sign the lease. So she was part of that. But anyway, I'm I'm working in the city and uh I'm planning to eventually go to school, but right now I was just like again, not super happy, not super connected to anyone or anything like that. And I end up getting a job at a Korean computer company through I don't even remember how, but it was Mr. Ha and Huckin Computers, and we would go in and I would answer kind of like a receptionist, but also editor. I did a lot of the editing for him on the computer and documents and things like that. Uh but it was like it was good for me because I think me being Korean and him getting a sense that I was not totally like my mom wasn't coming to visit me at work and bowing and saying hello. What like he could tell I was not super connected to my family. And he was a devout Christian and he was he would like come stay for lunch, which is not common in American style, but Korean company is very common for just have lunches together and pack it and sit there and whatever. And he would order yeah, he would order lunch and he would always share some with me, and it was like just buttered, a little bit of buttered, buttered pasta with broccoli, chicken and broccoli, yeah. That's it, with like routine pasta. So I'm working at this company when someone that came in, I don't know if it was I don't remember how it came up, but someone mentioned that there was a new pool room that had opened up in Chelsea, New York. I'm like, that's where I live. I live right, you know, I live at 23rd and legs. This was at 21st and Fifth Avenue. Anyway, I heard about this new pool room, and there was a line again, it was so packed. I'm like, but so I'm just curious. I mean, I think it could have been darts or anything. It was just what was going on, nothing was going on in my life, you know. So I was curious. So I go and check it out.

Mike Gonzalez 29:35

Had you not played up until this point then?

Jeanette Lee 29:39

So when I was 15, when I fell in love with Greg, and when I was 15 in high school, he had taken me to play, I think to cut class, but it was not, I don't know, it wasn't very nearby or convenient. And we're kids, we didn't have money, you know? We didn't have a lot of money. But there was like one of these times that he actually took me to a pool room. We got a table and played, and it was it was a lot of fun, but I didn't really have access. It just was not in my life at all. So I'd seen a pool table, whatever, but I hadn't fallen in love and decided I was gonna be great or whatever. That all happened when somebody mentioned new pool room opening up, how happening and packed it was. And I remember walking in, and there was literally, I think they boasted 55 billiard tables. Wow. And four four three, they were all the newest gold crowns, Brunswick's, and then they also had four three cushioned billiard tables, carom tables, and two 12-foot snicker tables. Nice. Actually, it was three because there was two in the up on the main floor and one down below. So three Snicker tables. And the guy's name was Conleth, and he was from England, but he was also a nightclub owner. And I was working at this computer company, and then I got another job at this R B club called Tramps, T-R-A-N-P-S. And they were also on 21st, but it was directly across the street from this kind of warehouse building, whatever. And I'm working for him. I'm a server. That's where I met my first Barbara. She was the maid of honor at my wedding, one of my closest friends. She was the hostess there, I was the waitress there. And coincidentally, she was friends with my sister when they were in at Hunter High School. When they were in seventh grade, they became friends. But I didn't know it was the same Barbara. So I meet her at this club. We immediately hit it off. So now I'm starting to hang out a little bit, socializing, which I had not really done before. But by us working together, we would do that. And then next thing you know, he's like, Yep, I'm gonna own this place, I'm gonna own that place. I'm gonna own the place across the street, and I'm gonna end up like it's gonna be my world right here. I'm like, what are you talking about? And he said, You see that space right there, I'm gonna make the best pool room in New York City right there. I'm like, what? Okay, and sure enough, a beautiful place. He had what amazed me is he had a guy go around and all they did, they had these hotel like ashtrays that stand up to like a kitchen garbage can height.

Mike Gonzalez 32:32

Yeah, almost like spittoons.

Jeanette Lee 32:34

Yeah, and you know, where it's and there's like a place to throw garbage underneath, and on top there was like sand, black and gray sand in there. You could drop your, you know, put out your cigarette or just leave it in there, that kind of thing. There was a guy that all he did was go around and clean out the ashtrays. I'm like, and then they didn't never had a server because they could only offer hot dogs, coffee, and water. Um, eventually they uh added, you know, a handful of other beverages, but they weren't trying to make the kitchen. They didn't care about the food and they just cared about spelling pool. Yeah, the game of cool.

Allison Fisher 33:15

Thank you for listening to another episode of